Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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