i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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