I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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