Your face is a jimmy john
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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