Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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