Who wears a wallet chain?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
