Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
