Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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