It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
