just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
