I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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