I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
