Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
