Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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