A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Buhtt sex?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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