ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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