i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
