I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can I color on your dick again?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So apparently I’m into choking now
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