# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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