I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
