so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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