i barfeds in our rink
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
