a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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