I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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