The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
