pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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