all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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