I just pynch a tree in the face
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
