I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
