you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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