Jerry, you need to find god
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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