I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
