I seem to have left my pride at pride
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
