Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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