It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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