Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
