you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
