WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
