I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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