Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
