Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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