That's intense
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
