I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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