i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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