Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This girl is more easily done than said...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
