Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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