dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
