i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
