sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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