my room smells like sperm. sweet.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
