There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
